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| Well time heals all wounds.... But nothing truly heals completly. There are always scars left behind. As there will always be a little pain in my heart where Laura Rhudy is concerned. but enough of that....... Now I find myself starting to get REALLY attached to someone new, and even when I asked her to be my girlfriend I knew that this relationship was not meant to be, or rather it was not meant to last. But I asked anyway. So I guess I'm being self destructive in a way and self inflicting emotional wounds upon myself by starting a relationship with someone that I know was not meant to be. So why did I do it? Not totally sure on that one.....guess it's a multitude of reasons. 1 being that you never truly know if what was supposed to be a fluke turns out to be the best thing ever. The 2nd being that I just wanted someone to be there to hold and have sex with to fill the emptiness. Well DUH! That's why I'm now in the fix that I'm in. but can you blame me for "hoping" for the 1% chance of the fluke turning out to be the best thing ever? Gives new meaning to "Hopeless Romantic" huh? You know what they say about "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger"? Well...... I found a loop-hole in that one! How many times now have I been heart-broken? Honestly......I'm not really stronger from those. In a way I'm growing weaker and stuck in the same endless loop. On the flip side it may not have made me stronger, but it has made me wiser to a great many things. I can evade alot of drama b/c I can see it coming and stop the triggers from triggering! Which makes the end result a little easier to deal with, or atleast the time in between. ANYWAY..... still stuck here not knowing what to do about my feelings towards Heather. I want so much to just cut loose and poor my heart into her. But there is something stopping me, and the fear of doing so. Why can't I be able to poor my heart and feelings into someone, and not feel the pain when it comes to an end? Ack! it's late, getting tired....need to sleep. | | |
| Years have past and come back full circle. Here again I lie crying myself to sleep on countless nights, and fighting back tears of heart-break on a daily basis. I thought I had found the love of my life, we were together for 3 yrs. And for the 2nd time in my life I had to walk away and leave the relationship of my own free will. I know in my mind that it was for the best (or was it?) It's hard enough having your heart broke, but to feel like you've done it to yourself makes it that much more difficult to deal with. I can't just wipe away 3 long years of love and bonding. And now it's like a blistering wound upon my soul. | | |
| Thinking about coming back to the community...... Guess it depends on how many comments I get and who misses me! | | |
| As the tears begin to flood, I wipe them only to find blood, Too much in my head, I'm starting to feel dead. No where to run, No where to hide, no way to win or lose. I'm stuck in this web, in these chains of torment. There seems to be no end as I wish there could be...only ever lasting pain. Is there no way to be set free? | | |
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